3 Tips for Navigating Holiday Stress
These tips for managing holiday stress primarily focus on intimacy and sex, but they may also be applicable in a more general sense.
Tip No. 1: Ask for what you need.
The holidays stressed you out last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. Based on that logic, I get where you’re coming from when you think your partner should know what you need by now.
But hear me out. You still can’t assume your partner knows what you need this year. Preferences, dislikes, opinions, and situations are always subject to change, and it never hurts to have a conversation to revisit these things.
If you don’t know where to start with the conversation, here are some questions that may be helpful to think about. Do you need or want more touch or less touch around the holidays? Do you need more foreplay so that you can get out of your head into your body? Does holiday stress mean you prefer not to engage in any sexual activity for a few days while you’re getting everything in order?
Having the conversation before angry, anxious, or resentful thoughts pop up is beneficial. It’s one thing to sit down and have a calm discussion about something you’ll need in the future, but it’s a totally different ballgame when you’re in the middle of the holiday pressures, trying not to yell or burst from frustration. At that point, it’s already too late.
When you’re already upset and either angrily communicating (or trying hard not to communicate angrily), the other person will likely not respond well. This kind of communication can irritate you; they can pick up on it and respond accordingly, and the cycle continues. And honestly, even if you manage to get what you need or want in that situation, has the core issue been addressed?
Tip No. 2: Avoid putting all your needs on the back burner.
Many of us are guilty of justifying this behavior in some way. I know you now have more things to do to prepare for the holidays, but taking care of yourself is so important—dare I say, more important than hosting or traveling.
At the end of the day, when the holidays are over and you go back to the old grind, do you want to stress about them the next time around? Forever? If your holidays feel stressful, and if it’s partly because you feel overwhelmed, neglecting yourself won’t make you feel less stressed.
But I get it. With all the extra things to do around this time, you’ll have less time to destress. It’s okay not to be able to get to everything you’d like to do, but it’s still worth doing something.
Don’t be afraid to take some time to be intimate, have sex, or masturbate. When things are hectic, those may be some of the last things on your mind, but they may be worth shifting closer to the front. If you think about it, how amazing do you feel after an orgasm? It could be helpful to take that post-orgasmic feeling with you and carry it over into your tasks.
Lastly, your needs still matter; they’ll be there long after the holiday stress has dissipated. So, it’s worth examining whether there are any other instances where you put yourself last for extended periods.
Tip No. 3: Embrace the mantra of “good enough.”
I know, I know. You want everything to go well. Otherwise, why would you do it? I’m not suggesting you have to start half-assing anything. However, I am suggesting that you allow yourself to be okay with what you’ve already put a lot of effort into instead of stressing because it didn’t go flawlessly.
If you tried to have sex and one or both you didn’t orgasm, that’s fine. You took time from your hectic schedule for yourself and your partner, so let’s call that a win. You made an attempt, and any attempt in good faith is better than no attempt, and that’s good enough.
There will be other chances for a little rendezvous, so don’t be so hard on yourself. Remember, you deserve to enjoy the holidays just as much as everyone you’ll spend time with. Be as kind to yourself as you are to those who don’t even deserve your benevolence. Stress and the holidays don’t have to go hand-in-hand.